Today has been a big one.
I’ve spent the day filming with Fixers. The piece will hopefully be aired on 8th October in Yorkshire and Tyne and Wear TV regions as part of the regional news. It’s been really great fun and I’ve got a lot out of it. I’m really tired and my head’s buzzing, so rather than trying to write a long blog, I’m going to bullet point it.
- My creative side is there and it’s dying to get out – I love film making. I love the ideas, the filming, the editing. I love seeing how it works and seeing the raw ideas turn into a firm and fluid idea. I need to stop ignoring my creativity and this is especially important when I start thinking about what I might like to do post-uni.
- There are loads of interesting jobs out there and there’s nobody telling you how to get to them. I’ve met four people today who all have fascinating jobs and it’s been great speaking to them about how they got there.
- I really, passionately care about this cause. About this gap in services for young people. The lack of support for those aged 18-25 who have a family member with a terminal illness. We’ve got to get something in place for these people. They need to know that they’re not alone and that someone cares.
- More people need to talk about terminal illness and about dying. We all die. It shouldn’t be a taboo subject. How can anyone ever have a good death if we leave the important conversations (eg. DNR yay or nay?) until you’re in an emotional and stressful situation?!
- I met two other young people who’d been in a similar situation to me. I can’t put into words the pure relief and sense of normality that this gave me. The chance to sit and chat with others in my position. To be open with each other about our hopes, dreams, worries and fears. To share stories and realise how alike our situations really are. To realise that we’re not totally alone in our difficulties and that actually there are some other people out there facing the same thing. They might be few and far between but they’re out there and they’re facing the same questions as us. Imagine being in a bubble and spending all day every day looking at others living normal lives, joining in with them and trying to live your life, but always having that distance between you and them. Then one day you meet someone else in a bubble, your bubbles pop and you can talk to each other properly, and even give each other a hug… that’s sort of what it’s like. Today was the first day in 18 months I’ve really, properly, spoken to someone (two people), who’d ‘got’ it.
I don’t know how well I’ve explained this. I don’t know if it will make sense to anyone but me. My body and brain are tired, emotions overwhelming, and I really just need to sleep, but I wanted to get this down and share it with you before something else comes along and fills up my brain.