Life

Charities and Campaigns You Could Consider This Christmas

~ Naomi ~ Leave a comment

This blog post is a little late, but life has been getting on top of my lately and I’m a bit behind with everything! Christmas is a time when lots of people consider giving to charity, which is absolutely wonderful. I thought I’d do a little post with a few suggestions of places you could donate to.

Presents for the elderly in hospital
I know that York Hospital are currently accepting present donations for the 15433766_1087563644689637_4144773404954213601_nelderly who are in hospital over the Christmas period (here is the press article). I imagine that other hospitals are doing similar (if you don’t live in York). We bought a few boxes of chocolates and gift sets the other night and we’re going to drop them off later this week. It’s not something that costs very much but it can make the world of difference to someone in hospital over Christmas. (Update: gift collection at York Hospital has been halted due to an overwhelming response, but I imagine there are many other places who would appreciate gift donations!).

Martin House
We are still currently collecting for Martin House, to replace the lights in the corridor of the children’s bedrooms in memory of Mum. If you’d like to donate to this fund, you can do so here.

Yorkshire Cancer Research
We are leading the YCR collection this Christmas. They’re encouraging people to share treasured memories and donate in memory of a loved one. You can see more on their campaign here and here. I’ve also included the letter I wrote to lead this campaign below.

Whatever you’re doing this Christmas, I hope you all have a peaceful time with your family and friends, and that it is as stress-free as possible for you all. Xxx

The YCR letter:
I used to love Christmas. Mum would start the preparations in October half term with baking the cake. It would fill the house with wonderful smells, marking the transition from summer to winter. The cake baking would closely be followed by weekends spent cooking mincemeat, baking and freezing batches of mince pies and the odd Christmassy pudding.

We used to alternate our Christmases – one at home, one with Mum’s family. Years at Mum’s family’s house were a little quieter, we would often pop in on other relations over the festive period, but Christmas day itself would just be me, my brothers, my parents, my Grandad, Aunt and Uncle. Years at home were a little more chaotic – Mum was usually ‘on call’ (she was a consultant in palliative medicine, or end of life care to you and me), so she would often be on the phone to hospitals or hospices and would occasionally have to pop out. The house would always be full, often reaching 20 people by Christmas day – rarely would there have been under ten people in the house over the whole festive period.

The last time we had that many people in the house was for Mum’s funeral.

Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in August 2012. She found it early, had a lumpectomy followed by preventative chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Spring 2013, she was given the ‘all clear’ and started on Tamoxifen, a drug developed by Yorkshire Cancer Research, which helped to keep her in remission. Unfortunately, Mum’s cancer came back. In February 2014, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer; she died in October 2015 aged 53.

Mum asked for money given at her funeral to go to Yorkshire Cancer Research. I knew that Mother’s Day this year was going to be difficult, so I knew that I needed to do something positive. That’s when I set up ‘Memories about Mums’ – a way of fundraising for YCR, but also a space for those of us who are motherless to share our memories and celebrate our Mum’s lives.

Living without Mum is hard; I miss her every day. I miss texting her, seeing her dance around the kitchen whilst cooking or baking, and spinning on the spinny chair in her office – distracting her from whatever work she was trying to do. Mum has helped make me the person I am today. She was always busy, always up to something, often helping other people, and that’s something that I will always look up to.

The festive period doesn’t make that grief any easier. Nobody teaches you how to cope with grief – there’s no guidebook or manual to get you through it. One of the things that helps me, though, is to direct that grief into something positive, whether it be writing, fundraising or helping others. The blogs I write won’t bring Mum back but might help someone else in the same position, and any money I raise won’t bring Mum back, but will fund vital research which could prevent others in Yorkshire from also having to have Christmases without their Mum.

It would be lovely, if this Christmas, we could extend ‘Memories about Mums’, and share memories of all the loved ones who won’t be with us this Christmas, whether that be through a donation in their memory, or a donation of the amount you would have spent on a Christmas present for them.

Together, we can help to tackle cancer in Yorkshire.

You Can’t Change The World, But You Can Change Your World

~ Naomi ~ 2 Comments

This morning I woke up to the news that Trump is president of the US.

Now, I don’t really understand politics, especially American politics, and I must admit I haven’t followed the election very closely, but from my limited understanding, I believe that this is quite a Bad Thing (unless you’re a white, straight, able-bodied, middle-class, non-muslim, non-immigrant man).

It saddens me that there is so much hatred in the world. Such an unwillingness to accept others who are a little different to us. Trump is a strange man by all accounts. He comes out with some, quite frankly, bizarre statements, and seems to close his eyes, spin in a circle, point at a random group of people, and decide that they’re the group he’s going to hate on that particular day.

But what saddens me more than anything Trump says (because let’s be honest, whatever he’s saying we can still laugh a little because he looks kind of like an angry carrot with a fluffy gerbil plonked on top), is the fact that there are a substantial number of people who agree with him. I’m not actually convinced that Trump believes in everything he says, I think he just comes out with ludicrous statements to try and shock people (sort of like Katie Hopkins). I think that towards the end of the election, his team were playing a game of ‘what’s the most stupid thing we can come out with that people will still go for’. So it’s not Trump that scares, confuses and saddens me, as much as the huge number of people who believe, what are in my opinion, racist, sexist, homophobic policies.

I can’t change the election, and neither can you. I can’t change much in this world, to be honest, I don’t hold that power. I can’t fix countries, stop wars, or cure diseases. I’m just one little person attempting to work, study, eat, sleep, and not crash my bike.

I can’t change the world, we can’t change the world, but we can change our worlds.

We can treat people with dignity and respect. We can hold our judgements on people and try and understand where they’re coming from (yes, including Trump and his supporters). We can love deeply, use social media responsibly, and try to show compassion in all that we do. We can do our best to remain kind, caring, and humble in our day to day lives. We can open our arms to those in danger of persecution, take five minutes to talk to someone who’s hurting, ask those around us if they are okay, and genuinely want to hear an honest answer.

We can’t control the world, but we can control our response to it. If you’re angry about the politics of this world – that’s okay! But use that anger to do something. Channel it into something productive and positive. Don’t just sit on social media complaining about it because that won’t achieve anything.

Birthday Memories

~ Naomi ~ Leave a comment

It’s my brother’s bithday today. He’s 21. Does that make him officially an adult? If it does then the world should probably be a bit scared.

He’s down in Oxford loving life/studying/whatever it is you do down there. It’s his first bithday away from us. I’ve sent many things in the post (a blog for another time).

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J’s cake last year (before Mum stole a strawberry lace…).
Last year we had a party for J’s bithday. We did it the Friday before Mum died. We made homemade pizzas. I made Mum a tiny one with everything on top of it chopped up into teeny pieces. We made J a cake and Mum stole a strawberry lace off the top. She couldn’t move out of her chair independently, and slept a lot, but she was very much in the room. It’s the most lucid I remember her in those final weeks. It’s the last time I remember her eating solid food. A day or two later, she stopped getting out of bed at all. A week later she died.

Dad asked me what they did for my 21st, when trying to decide what to buy J as a present. I got a Pandora charm from Mum and Dad. I spent the day working on a residential and Mum and Dad came over in the evening. We managed to find a restaurent with good enough disabled access for Mum to manage. A month later we had a cake. It was my last birthday with Mum.

A few weeks before my 21st, Mum went into a coma. I remember Dad saying that maybe it was a good time for her to die. It had been very quick. My birthday could be something positive to look forward to after the funeral. I never have been one for making a big deal of my own birthday (though I love making a big deal of others), but I felt even less like doing anything that year. In the end Mum woke up and lived another 8 months. This year I didn’t do anything at all.

I don’t know what Mum would have done for J’s birthday this year. I don’t know whether ‘well Mum’ would have made a big deal of 21st birthdays. There’s a lot I don’t know.

We’re currently fundraising in memory of Mum, one year on.
Here is where you can donate to Mum’s ‘one year on’fundraising page online.
If you’d like to donate via your phone, please text ‘FOYO53’ followed by £1, £2, £3, £4, £5 or £10 to 70070.

#LightsUpMyLife

~ Naomi ~ Leave a comment

Hello lovely person who follows my blog or social media (or just happened to stumble upon this post, in which case hello and welcome, here is a little more about me, and here is a bit about Mum).

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Mum – continuing to support us with charity events, even when she was wheelchair-bound.

As you may know, I’m currently fundraising for Martin House Children’s Hospice. This post tells you a little bit about all of that, but essentially, I’m attempting to raise £5000 in order to improve the lighting in the corridor of the children’s bedrooms to both improve the general light levels, and highlight the artwork on the walls. I’m doing this in memory of Mum, a year after she died.

It’s an ambitious target, and we have lots of plans for events and other things to help raise the money, but it would be amazing if we could hit £1000 by the anniversary of Mum’s death (Sunday). To help us on our way with this, I’m starting a social media campaign. It’s not particularly original, but hopefully it will be effective.

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Our little family of five ❤

The idea is, to post a picture of something which lights up your life (we’re lighting up a corridor, and Mum lit up the lives of many people, so it seems fitting). It could be your child, your cat, a friend, a sunset, a bar of chocolate… anything which lights up your life in some way. As you post the picture, tag 5 of your friends to do the same (there were 5 in our family so it seems like a good number), and text ‘FOYO53’ followed by £1/£2/£3/£4/£5/£10 to 70070 to donate to Mum’s fund, or, if you’d rather donate online, you can do so here.

Thank you to everyone who joins in with this, hopefully we can make a hug difference.

Xxx

Remembering Mum, One year On

~ Naomi ~ 3 Comments

Tomorrow, September 24th 2016 marks what would have been Mum’s 54th birthday. October 23rd 2016 will mark one year since Mum died.

We’ve chosen to spend the next month doing what we can to raise money for Martin House Chlidren’s Hospice. Mum worked there for many years, before later becoming a trustee. They share all of Mum’s values, and do some absolutely brilliant work; providing care and respite for families facing harder times than most of us can ever imagine.

Martin House need around £5000 to install  new lighting in the corridor that links the children’s bedrooms which as well improving the general light levels will also enable the superb artwork that decorates the walls and ceilings to be better displayed. We feel that as well as being a very worthy course – it reflects the light that Mum brought to all of our lives.

We’d love it if you could join us on this (ambitious!) mission to raise this money over the next month, and possibly beyond. We don’t mind how people get involved – dontating directly, holding a coffee morning at work, having a swear box in the office… no donation or fundraising effort is too small (and if you need ideas or want to run it by us, feel free to message me!).

Thank you in advance for any help/donations you can give to this cause.

Here is where you can donate online.

If you’d like to donate via your phone, please text ‘FOYO53’ followed by £1, £2, £3, £4, £5 or £10 to 70070.

Children Can Bring Light To The Darkest Of Days

~ Naomi ~ Leave a comment

Cycling home today, I saw a lot of Mums pulling various uniform-clad little ones across traffic lights, book bags trailing behind them. I also saw a couple of late-teens-early-twenties-aged-child-looker-after-ers laughing and giggling with their rabble, jumping and skipping along the road.

I love seeing it, it’s so lovely to see people happy and enjoying life.

It does make me miss the various little people (and slightly bigger people) I’ve been lucky enough to take care of, though. Growing up, I babysat for the vast majority of the village from the age of fourteen (being a Beaver Scout leader and having younger brothers helps with that!). I’ve lost count of how many lounges I’ve sat in, stories I’ve read, and games I’ve played.

Through volunteering, there are even more hours spent looking after children to add up. The hordes that have come through Beavers, Cubs and Scouts (at one point I helped out at all three, spanning two different troops), and those I worked with when volunteering with Shout Out Leeds, with Team v, at a school or two, play groups and church.

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When working in a toy shop for a few years, I met a lot of kids, some very briefly, but there were other more regular shoppers who I got to know quite well. As a student ambassador for a couple of years, I interacted with children and young people of all ages. With many it would be a ten-minute chat, or occasionally a day doing various activities. But residentials were the best bit of the job: whole weeks getting to know some incredible young people, being privileged enough to share their stories, hear their worries, and listen to their hopes and dreams. There are so many young people who I got to know really well, but who I will never see again.

Out of all of the children I’ve looked after, there are a couple who have, perhaps, made the biggest impact on me.

The twins who showed me that even though the world can be ridiculously rubbish, there are still smiles to be had, and Peppa Pig can fix almost anything. They showed me that what my body looks like doesn’t matter, so long as it’s healthy enough to take them swimming. They reminded me that baking can be fun, giggles are infectious, and that mess can be joyful. Their Mum recognised that things could be rough, cancer was rubbish, and hugs from little people were sometimes all that was needed to calm a storm.

The three children belonging to my friend. The youngest, born just a month after Mum’s terminal diagnosis, reminding me that life is cyclical and though people die, and it’s crap that they die, people also live, people are born, and life is precious. The middle one has enough energy to keep a power station active for a week and an imagination to rival that of acclaimed writers, who continues to show me that dreams are important and life isn’t as serious as you think. The eldest, an incredible footballer with a big heart, always outside playing with his friends – a continuous reminder that life is greater than these four walls.

Finally, the two boys who I spent Summer, Easter and Christmas with for three years. The boys who baked with me, swam with me, built dens and Lego models with me, ran down to the river, came to the library and tackled buses with me. The boys who took me to the Great Yorkshire Show, the Royal Armouries and Leeds museum. The two boys who let me kiss things better, let me hug them, let me care about them through a time when the world felt so uncaring. However rubbish my night had been, whatever crap was going through my head, however downright awful I felt, they never failed to lift my mood, show me how to smile and bring light to the darkest of days.

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Kids are incredible (as are many of their parents!). I’m not entirely sure how/why their parents decided I was responsible enough to keep their little people alive, but I’m so glad they did. I don’t know how many of them will remember me when they are my age, but I will remember many of them.

Summer has come to a close, and I haven’t done a single day of childcare. It feels very odd. I’ve finally emailed my student ambassador job to let them know I’m not coming back, and had a lovely email in response. I miss some of these children a huge amount. I hope that I can see some of them soon (though a couple of them moved to Guernsey which is mildly inconvenient). I’m growing up and moving on and it’s impossible to take everything from my past to my future, I guess it’s just about recognising that these experiences will always be a part of me and my life – they have shaped me and helped me grow into the person I am today; they have got me through some really tough times. Moving forwards is hard, leaving things I enjoyed and loved is hard – but ultimately, it’s right.

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11 Pieces Of Back To School Advice You Probably Didn’t Ask For

~ Naomi ~ Leave a comment

Summer has ended and everyone is heading back to school. Students and teachers alike are both mildly petrified about what tomorrow might bring. Bags are packed with many more pens and pencils than will ever make it past lunch time, uniform is cleaner than it ever will be again, and there is a faint whiff of shoe polish in the air. As the new school year begins, here are 11 pieces of advice you didn’t ask for:

  1. Your health (both mental and physical) always, always comes first. Before any grades, before any coursework, before any exams. Your health is more important than any school work will ever be.
  2. Teachers aren’t the enemy. Sure they might feel it at times, especially if they’re making you do things you don’t want to do. They’re not supposed to have favourites – but we all know that they probably do. Still, whether you’re their favourite student, or you think they probably hate you, you will get much further working with your teachers than against them.
  3. Spelling is important. Everyone who knew me through school and reads this will laugh. I absolutely detested spelling at school. Really, really hated it (partly because I was absolutely hopeless at it until someone taught me to spell by shape. I’m very visual, so used to get same-heighted letters muddled up). I couldn’t work out why the heck I needed to know it when things like spell-checkers exist. They do exist… but they only kick in if you’re moderately close to the word you’re aiming for. Also, even though you think you’ll never use a pen after leaving school, you actually end up hand-writing more then you realise, and it can be really, really embarrassing if you have no idea where to start when trying to write a word!
  4. A lot of talents and skills aren’t recognised by exam boards. For some things in life, you do need certain grades in certain things, and it is good to always try your best at stuff. But not every skill and talent is measured by school. My job now basically involves talking to people, networking, and problem solving. School definitely never encouraged me to talk (except in French), in fact I think a lot of my teachers would have preferred it if I’d have remained a bit quieter.
  5. Your best is good enough. It really, really is. You can’t try harder than your absolute best. Please don’t destroy yourself in the process of trying to be more than you are.
  6. It’s okay to not know who you are. It’s okay to change your hair and make-up. It’s okay to choose a rucksack over a handbag (or vice versa!). It’s okay to change your likes and dislikes. It’s okay to try certain hobbies, not like them, stop doing them and start doing something else. It’s absolutely okay be anyone you want to be (unless you’re a plonker… don’t be a plonker).
  7. Don’t be mean. It might sound really simple, straightforward and basic, but it’s an important one. Don’t be a bitch. Don’t talk about people behind their backs (even when it feels like everyone else is). Don’t trip people or laugh at people. Don’t make fun of people for the way they choose to style their hair or what bag they’ve chosen. It’s not worth it. When finding your way through life, it’s as well to have as many people on your side as possible – be nice to people.
  8. Do your homework/write your notes up. You’ll hate it at the time but love yourself when exam season rolls around.
  9. Life isn’t all academics. Join a sports team, start D of E, play an instrument, go on the occasional jog, join Scouts/Guides, volunteer, socialise, paint, go shopping, go to the cinema, watch TV. Life isn’t all about school work.
  10. Speak out if you’re struggling. Talk to a friend, a teacher, a school nurse, a parent, an aunt, a sibling, your GP. Write it in a diary. Talk to people and let them know if you’re struggling. People can’t help if they don’t know. However you’re feeling – you’re not the first person who has ever felt that way or who has ever had that struggle and things can get better. But you need to let people in.
  11. There is a whole world outside of school. School is all-encompassing and at times, overwhelming. When you’ve sat on a leaky bus for 3 hours of the day, just to wear something you’re not comfortable in, study subjects you’re not interested in and speak to people you don’t really like, it can be a serious drag. But life doesn’t start and end with school. There is a whole world out there waiting for you when you finish. A world with friends you’ve not met yet, places you’ve not visited yet, and more jobs that you can wrap your mind around. However hellish school is, you’re only there for such a small percentage of your life.

Good luck, look after yourself, and try to have fun while you’re at it Xxx

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However awkward you are when you start school… you probably won’t end it much better.